Martha Rudolph
THE IN-BETWEEN
My Choice
I have a secret to share with you. But, first, a story. Imagine a scene where two toddlers need to get dressed for the day. Neither one wants to do it. Toddler #1 whines and when presented with the option to make a good choice or throw a fit, chooses the fit. Toddler #2 cries and complains that he cannot get dress and eventually, reluctantly, asks for help. A year ago, I did not have to imagine this scenario. I lived it out every day. Every day. Every day they had to get dressed. There was no surprise in this instruction. I didn’t up the difficulty level or even throw in the wrinkle of dress clothes. I also let them pick what to wear (on most occasions.) And still, to my frustration, the fits and protests continued. It begs the question why? Why was the instruction to get dressed such an insult to them? The only explanations I found were that it just wasn’t what they want to do or when they wanted to do it. I shake my head at this behavior and become a hypocrite. No, I don’t have trouble getting dressed in the morning (although let’s be real, PJs rule) But, how many necessary, mundane, repetitive tasks do I complain, verbally or mentally, about doing? How many do I refuse to do altogether? Dishes. Laundry. Commute. Job hunting. Weeding through email in an inbox. Chauffeuring the kids around to after school activities. Exercise. Pick a daily dreaded chore and insert it here. Maybe for you it’s your job? The volunteer activity that has you trapped? The role of a caregiver with no relief? Or, is it a small act of obedience? One that will be a hassle to perform without significant promise of a payoff worth the discomfort, yet it's still calling. If I am honest, I find myself acting like Toddler #1 all too often. When presented with a choice, I choose to throw an adult version of a fit. Watching TV instead of folding laundry. Sleeping in and being late to work/appointments or losing my quiet time. Getting my chores done while grumbling under my breath. (What’s the point? It will all be a mess again in 1.2 nanoseconds.) Maybe the scenario in your life is more like Toddler #2. I would be lying if I didn’t admit to resisting change. Maybe you don’t want to make a change either. You know it is necessary, but you are not confident in your skills to complete the task or at least to complete it well. Afraid to try and fail or ask for help, we sit still. When my child chose to throw a fit, I turned my back and waited for him to finish it and come tell me he was ready to make a good choice. We hugged it out and approached the day dressed. For my stubborn son, I often had to sit patiently by and watch him fail or encourage him to try until he asked for my help. It would be great if I could draw a direct parallel between my parenting and God’s and wrap everything up with a nice little bow, but, alas I can’t. I am not a perfect parent. Unfortunately, the parallel that does exist is that of behavior. Mine and my toddlers’. We both throw fits. We both refuse to perform unwanted or daunting tasks or choose to perform them in our own strength only to often fail. Thankfully, God is a perfect Father. He waits patiently while I protest. He doesn’t turn his back on me, although I am sure it hurts him to watch. He gives me the freedom to throw a fit, to disobey, to try my own way first. And, lovingly, he is always there to help when I call on him. But, he doesn’t force himself. He waits. Pause here. He waits. For us. At times we feel like we are the ones waiting on God to move. And, reality is, sometimes we are. Alternatively, it is often that he is waiting on us. Waiting for obedience and for a willingness to surrender completely. A willingness to walk according to his will, especially when it is contrary to our own. A willingness to ask for help and obey. That’s great, but I don’t need help driving (hey now!). I don’t need help sorting email, folding laundry or zipping a zipper. I don’t need God’s help washing dishes. Right? That’s true. I don't, but that’s not what is so often missing. I don’t need God’s help to do the dishes, I need his joy. I love this explanation of joy on Theopedia.com: “Joy is a state of mind and an orientation of the heart. It is a settled state of contentment, confidence and hope. It is something or someone that provides a source of happiness.” Okay, but how do I walk in this joy? Remember the secret? Here it comes. “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” Colossians 3:17 NIV Okay….. but how? And what does it have to do with joy? This verse is familiar and does not seem secretive. Who is with me, here? For the longest time I missed part of this verse. I was able to find some success powering through and putting my perspective in its proper place. A near miss, but still a miss. What was I missing? What is the secret? How do we feel the joy? Praise! The secret is praise. Growing up, our house was filled with song. I would catch my mom humming while in the kitchen and my dad was always singing. If there wasn’t an appropriate song for the occasion, he made one up with a chuckle. One of my children asked him why he sings all the time. He answered with a smile that he “always has a song in ‘his’ heart.” “Give thanks to God the Father.” One of the easiest ways for me to do this is to sing praise songs thanking God for who he is and rejoicing in his faithfulness. When I remember to praise, I am filled with joy. Every time. Whatever we are doing or saying we are to be praising God. Even when we are not in the mood, especially when we are not in the mood. We are to praise him for his character and speak thankfully into remembrance what he has already done, because those are truths that our situations cannot change. Praise not only is pleasing to God and an act of obedience, but it is a reminder to our hearts that what we do matters because we were created with love on purpose, for a purpose. That purpose may not be to wash dishes, but it does pertain to how we wash those dishes. What if the tasks that I avoid, throw a fit over, or refuse help with are exactly what God is using to prepare my perspective for his purpose. What if he is waiting on me to stop pitching my fit and ask for help before he moves me forward into the next phase of his plan? It’s my choice, though. It’s always my choice. Today, I choose to praise. Even when my circumstances remain unchanged, I rejoice in his faithfulness. I choose to find joy in the monotony and trust that God is using my today to prepare me for my tomorrow. It’s your choice too. Which do you choose? “For he will not much remember the days of his life because God keeps him occupied with Joy in his heart.” Ecclesiastes 5:20 ESV
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If only I could loose 20 pounds. Then I would be happy because of how I look and feel.
If only we had a secure source of income. Then I would not have to feel guilt about indulgences. If only my son would take instruction. Then his life would be happier and easier. So would mine. If only I could finish my writing, the laundry, a book! Then I would be happy. Productive! How many minutes and thoughts have I wasted on the "if only's" of life? Those cunning little lies that promise happiness and fulfillment as a just out of my grasp prize. They say: "You can't be content in the here and now. Not until you have accomplished the task. But once it happens, then your life will mean something. Then you can rest. Then you can explore self worth. But ONLY once you have reached the goal. Only at the completion of life's current phase. " The pressure was on. My daughter was turning 11. She wanted a dragon cake and her expectation was high. In the past, I have enjoyed making/crafting special birthday cakes for my kids. I love doing it, but as more kids were added to the already hectic pace of life, my time management skills became stressed trying to fit it all in. I pinned plenty of awesome dragon cakes hoping that miraculously I would have time to make one, but alas it was the day before and, needless to say, I wasn't ready. I had no plan and worst of all; I had no cake. With stress piled high I gave in and went to a big box store bakery and asked them to screen print a dragon that she had drawn onto the cake. It was the best I could do. And here came the thoughts. Those flaming arrows sent from Satan to derail me. "If I only had a Pinterest worthy cake, then her birthday would be special." "She will be so disappointed." "I failed because I broke tradition." Next up on the local news at 10: 'Mom ruins 11 year old's birthday as dreams of a custom made dragon cake go up in flames.' Maybe for you it's not something as trivial as a cake. Maybe it's not having the budget to accommodate organic groceries. Did you miss the work out and now your fitness goals will disappear like dust in the wind? Maybe it's a relationship 'if only'. If only I was smarter, taller, shorter, kinder, an athlete, had pink hair with yellow polk-a-dots (you get the picture) then I would find my soul mate. Then I would feel complete. That is how the lies work. They get us to question our worth because they tie our worth to our performance and tell us that happiness is just around the corner but unattainable in the present. Those lies got me. Instead of being able to enjoy the time preparing for my daughter's birthday, I worried over it. I was not content, I was anxious. I convinced myself that what I was doing wasn't enough to get to the destination of 'Happy Birthday.' I missed out on the joy of that journey because I thought my destination had to be perfection. Do you know something? She LOVED that cake. She was in awe that it was her drawing and had no concern what-so-ever that I did not make it. I wasted all that time and effort on worry. Isn't that the way of life? Striving for perfection is paralyzing and breeds discontent. It creates a scenario in which the only way to win at life is to arrive perfectly at a perfectly created destination. Mother a perfectly behaved child. Accomplish and keep a perfectly clean home. The stress that overhangs perfection steals any joy from the process. In-between that baby and the fictional middle schooler who makes all the right choices is a whole lot of childhood. A childhood that will never live up to perfection, because it was not designed to meet our definition of perfect. A childhood that is efficient at creating a messy home. And, if not careful, a childhood that will be missed out on because focus and expectation were so firmly in the future that the present joy is missed. It's not only a perfection problem but a perception problem. The perception that joy can only exist at the completion of perfection. The perception that contentment is complacency. The Bible tells us of someone who learned how to experience joy in the process. His name was Saul changed to Paul. Throughout the process of his evangelism, God spread the message of the gospel and many were saved. The process, however, was at times very unpleasant. His journey was marked with highs and really low- lows. Regardless of the situation (before, during and after a trial) Paul lets us know that he has learned how to be content. A quick Google search defines 'content' as being 'in a state of peaceful happiness." This means that even in the midst of our struggles, in the middle of any phase of life, whether it's waiting on a season to change, striving for the promotion or wherever your in-between phase of life finds you, it is possible and even Biblical to adopt a state of happiness and joy. It's a matter of perspective, of where our eyes are focused and who we turn to as our source. And, it's absolutely a matter of stopping those whimsical if/then notions that place happiness just out of reach and realizing that even though we may seem stationary, it doesn't mean that we have to be stagnant. Philippians 4:11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Rejoice always,pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. |
AuthorHi! I'm a mom to four, wife, and Christ follower. Fueled by coffee and prayer, I write about family, lessons I have learned encountering what it means to live a joy-filled life, especially when stuck in between promise and resolution. Archives
June 2019
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