Martha Rudolph
THE IN-BETWEEN
If only I could loose 20 pounds. Then I would be happy because of how I look and feel.
If only we had a secure source of income. Then I would not have to feel guilt about indulgences. If only my son would take instruction. Then his life would be happier and easier. So would mine. If only I could finish my writing, the laundry, a book! Then I would be happy. Productive! How many minutes and thoughts have I wasted on the "if only's" of life? Those cunning little lies that promise happiness and fulfillment as a just out of my grasp prize. They say: "You can't be content in the here and now. Not until you have accomplished the task. But once it happens, then your life will mean something. Then you can rest. Then you can explore self worth. But ONLY once you have reached the goal. Only at the completion of life's current phase. " The pressure was on. My daughter was turning 11. She wanted a dragon cake and her expectation was high. In the past, I have enjoyed making/crafting special birthday cakes for my kids. I love doing it, but as more kids were added to the already hectic pace of life, my time management skills became stressed trying to fit it all in. I pinned plenty of awesome dragon cakes hoping that miraculously I would have time to make one, but alas it was the day before and, needless to say, I wasn't ready. I had no plan and worst of all; I had no cake. With stress piled high I gave in and went to a big box store bakery and asked them to screen print a dragon that she had drawn onto the cake. It was the best I could do. And here came the thoughts. Those flaming arrows sent from Satan to derail me. "If I only had a Pinterest worthy cake, then her birthday would be special." "She will be so disappointed." "I failed because I broke tradition." Next up on the local news at 10: 'Mom ruins 11 year old's birthday as dreams of a custom made dragon cake go up in flames.' Maybe for you it's not something as trivial as a cake. Maybe it's not having the budget to accommodate organic groceries. Did you miss the work out and now your fitness goals will disappear like dust in the wind? Maybe it's a relationship 'if only'. If only I was smarter, taller, shorter, kinder, an athlete, had pink hair with yellow polk-a-dots (you get the picture) then I would find my soul mate. Then I would feel complete. That is how the lies work. They get us to question our worth because they tie our worth to our performance and tell us that happiness is just around the corner but unattainable in the present. Those lies got me. Instead of being able to enjoy the time preparing for my daughter's birthday, I worried over it. I was not content, I was anxious. I convinced myself that what I was doing wasn't enough to get to the destination of 'Happy Birthday.' I missed out on the joy of that journey because I thought my destination had to be perfection. Do you know something? She LOVED that cake. She was in awe that it was her drawing and had no concern what-so-ever that I did not make it. I wasted all that time and effort on worry. Isn't that the way of life? Striving for perfection is paralyzing and breeds discontent. It creates a scenario in which the only way to win at life is to arrive perfectly at a perfectly created destination. Mother a perfectly behaved child. Accomplish and keep a perfectly clean home. The stress that overhangs perfection steals any joy from the process. In-between that baby and the fictional middle schooler who makes all the right choices is a whole lot of childhood. A childhood that will never live up to perfection, because it was not designed to meet our definition of perfect. A childhood that is efficient at creating a messy home. And, if not careful, a childhood that will be missed out on because focus and expectation were so firmly in the future that the present joy is missed. It's not only a perfection problem but a perception problem. The perception that joy can only exist at the completion of perfection. The perception that contentment is complacency. The Bible tells us of someone who learned how to experience joy in the process. His name was Saul changed to Paul. Throughout the process of his evangelism, God spread the message of the gospel and many were saved. The process, however, was at times very unpleasant. His journey was marked with highs and really low- lows. Regardless of the situation (before, during and after a trial) Paul lets us know that he has learned how to be content. A quick Google search defines 'content' as being 'in a state of peaceful happiness." This means that even in the midst of our struggles, in the middle of any phase of life, whether it's waiting on a season to change, striving for the promotion or wherever your in-between phase of life finds you, it is possible and even Biblical to adopt a state of happiness and joy. It's a matter of perspective, of where our eyes are focused and who we turn to as our source. And, it's absolutely a matter of stopping those whimsical if/then notions that place happiness just out of reach and realizing that even though we may seem stationary, it doesn't mean that we have to be stagnant. Philippians 4:11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Rejoice always,pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
4 Comments
Linda Morris
9/20/2017 11:47:42 am
Martha, I loved your statement, "It's not only a perfection problem but a perception problem." Awesome insight! Thank you!
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Denise Hawkins
9/20/2017 02:15:19 pm
'A childhood that will be missed because focus and expectation were so firmly IN THE FUTURE that the PRESENT joy is missed.
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Nicole
9/20/2017 03:50:57 pm
Beautifully written. Thank you for sharing your wisdom through a blog
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Anna McClinton
9/20/2017 10:08:33 pm
Yes, Yes, Yes!!!! I needed this so much! Thank you!💜
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AuthorHi! I'm a mom to four, wife, and Christ follower. Fueled by coffee and prayer, I write about family, lessons I have learned encountering what it means to live a joy-filled life, especially when stuck in between promise and resolution. Archives
June 2019
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